Sunglass Slut, Episode 5: Evil Bizarro McCrazypants

I am a fan of sunglasses that make me look like an Evil McCrazypants, as loyal readers (hahahahahahaha) might remember. I got these after a tip from Dodai over on Jezebel about where to find lookalikes for these Prada Baroque sunglasses (more on those later. LE SIGH <3). They were like $5.99 on a slightly dodgy looking website in LA.

Bizarro Ailsa (Aslia?) is pretty much in love with these. THEY'RE LIKE THE SIZE OF MY WHOLE FACE. AND WAIT TIL YOU SEE THE ARMS.

Bizarro Aslia is also totally cool with not wearing any make up. In photos on the internet. Totally cool. Definitely no nervous panicking here. Totally. Yep.

The weather's patchy today but it was beeautiful on Saturday and so I wore these with some (fake, alas) pearl earrings and a white dress to the farmers' market at my primary school and got lavender shortbread and plum and cinnamon jam. Good trip. (Oh man do I love food.)

This is Katherine, the other famous Hepburn sister. She is also a head, but she actually has a nose, even if it is a bit squashed. These sunglasses make her feel stylish and sassy.

These are their amay-zing arms. Metallic copper. Swirly. Literally pinned into her head. (It's not the first time.) (They're just kind of wide, even for me, and I have a normal person head, not a tiny polystyrene doll head.)

Okay. So, if you'll excuse me, I have to go plot some evil deeds.

Truthfully? I have to write a letter, read some poems (if I can persuade Katherine off the top of the book), send some stern emails, make some salmon and roasted new potatoes. The letter will include Charlie & Lola stickers. Wild life. Wild.

Sunglass Slut, Episode 4: Tyger, Tyger, Burning Free

Hey, you. You know what's even better than £1 Primark sunglasses?

Ignore my stupid arm. Buy a tripod, Ailsa.
Yes, that is real sunshine.

FREEEEEEE sunglasses. These cool tiger stripy ones came free with Elle one issue, something like four years ago. Why is it that the amount of money you pay for sunglasses is in inverse proportion to the length of time they last before they break or get lost (or someone sits on them)? By that logic, this pair will be hanging around literally forever. Ace.

The stripy-ness and the amber-ness means they actually kind of don't go with a lot of things, which is not a problem you usually have with sunglasses. But I can cope with that. By dressing in traffic cone orange, apparently. Go me?

Audrey has got her sunglasses on, and she is GOING to the beach!

(This is Audrey. I have no imagination. She is a head.)

Sunglass Slut, Episode 3: Double Action Minty Freshness

Today's sunglasses (there was actual sun to wear them in, yesss) are a pretty mint green colour. They are cuuute. Guess how much they cost me. Go on, guess. Say a number. Got a number? Okay. I'll tell you.

£1.

Yep, £1. No, they weren't even on sale. Thank you, Primark!

True story about these sunglasses:

So, I'm on holiday in Italy. I'm getting off a train at Pisa rail station. These sunglasses are sitting on top of my head. The train pulls off and suddenly... SLIP! BANG! They slide out of my hair and off the back of my head and fall down, down, down onto the train tracks, where they lie, forlorn and alone like a single piece of fruit on a tree in autumn.

It was a bit of a tragedy. I had to take a couple of minutes to compose myself and say goodbye.

But! Don't despair! This story has a happy ending!

Because when I got home I went right back to Primark and bought another pair, the pair that you see adorning my face today. Yayyyy! Sunglasses! My broken heart was healed.

SUNSHINE IN MY SOUL

Sunglass Slut, Episode 2: Like Taking Candy From A Baby

The adventures of a chirpy gal with more pairs of sunglasses than there are sunny days in an English summer.

Yes, these sunglasses are supposed to be for children. No, I don't really care. They are kitschy and delicious, like a 1970s sweetshop.

I like the way the pink and purple look against my minty green earrings. I'm Betty Draper-ing it up today, with a white shirtwaist dress, a vintage scarf and some pearls. I'm also wearing Chanel No 5, because I am a laydee. I went shopping, but I pretended I was going to a country club, and that my entire outfit cost more than like £25 altogether. 

Thanks, doll.

Sunglass Slut, Episode 1: Na Na Na Na Na Na Na Na

I luuuuurrbe sunglasses an unhealthy amount. I experience genuine feelings of bereavement whenever I break a pair, which is always.

These round, mirrored, tortoiseshell set might just be my all-time favourites. They're from Topshop a year or two ago. They were £22 (I've never spent more than like a fiver on sunglasses before).

When I wear them I like to pretend that I'm a bitchin' retro Batman villain. My name would be Dr Steam and Batman and Robin would have to foil my dastardly plan to plunge all of Gotham City into shiny darkness. There would be lots of campy WHOOOOSH!, CLANG! and HISSSS! speech bubbles as my clockwork anti-sun-mirror machinery powered into action.